Since the 1st chapter I’ve been enjoying your book, and thank you for it being free.

This chapter [74], however, I enjoyed very, very much. Being in the aerospace business…and having been to London, today’s chapter was extra fun, great narrative and descriptions.

Randy Cassingham is the reason I signed up for your book, I’ve been a This is True subscriber for many years (the premium edition with this email address, the free edition with another.)

I was actually thinking, less than 5 minutes ago, that I hadn’t received a chapter recently (meaning this week) and that I miss it, and briefly considered buying the book, then quickly realized I just can’t realistically take the time to read a book and will settle for a chapter a week.

At any rate, I do immensely enjoy your writing and story, and thank you very much for providing the free version!

Readers have four options for the first book in the American Flying Broomstick series: buy the book from us ($9.95+S&H), buy the hard copy from Amazon ($9.95+S&H, eligible for free Super Saver shipping if your order totals $25 or more), buy it on Kindle (currently $6.95), or get a free chapter a week. Anyway you do it is fine with me. I’m delighted so many readers are enjoying it.

And I’ve added something new. We have many local authors who have put together some pretty cool stuff. I’ve volunteered to do web distribution for them, and am pleased to add an “Extended Catalog” to include these. Although not published under the Mt. Sneffels Press logo, you can purchase them online for Mt. Sneffels Press fulfillment.

Up first on this list is young author Michael Carson with his science fiction parody of science fiction, Extreme C-Sections!

And I’m adding three of Susan Palmer’s handbound and handpainted books of poetry, The Tao of Now, Autumn of the Seeker, and Living in the World. These handcrafted books complement Susan’s lovely poetry.

Your outline (you do have an outline, don’t you?) says that Jack, Mary, and Jane meet each other at the Post Office. Jane is excited about her new movie role. Mary is upset because she didn’t get the role. Jack is courting Mary, so wants to advocate for her. The scene begins stiffly as Mary offers her grudging congratulations to Jane. Jack tells Mary she should’ve had the role. Mary starts to cry. Jane, embarrassed, tries to leave but Jack starts explaining why Mary should’ve won.

Okay, how can you describe this? I can think of three ways. You may think of several more (if so, please comment and describe them). First, you can play the scene live. You set the scene and record each line of dialog just as it was spoken. Second, you can summarize the scene with exposition. Third, you can have a character describe what he or she remembers; in fact, this could be interesting. Each character can remember it differently.

We’re usually tempted with option 1. Spell it out. Lay on the dialog. Create the dramatic tension. Make Mary angry. Jane looks for an exit. Jack is assertive.

Jane jumped when she saw Jack and Mary in line behind her. The noisy Post Office lobby was crowded with the lunchtime crowd.

“Well, I guess I should offer congratulations,” murmured Mary.

Jane knew how badly Mary wanted the role. And she needed the money, too.

“I’m sure you could’ve done as well,” said Jane, looking at her feet. “In fact, I’m surprised they didn’t pick you.”

“You’re right about that!” snapped Jack. Mary swiveled to face him. “Mary was made for the role. If you were any kind of friend, you’d go back and tell them Mary should have it.”

That’s certainly okay. And your readers expect crisp dialog (remember, every line of dialog should push the story along). But what if the things needing said make for an endless scene? The dialog above could stretch on for pages.

So you can try option 2.

Mary and Jack climbed the steps slowly as Jack reassured her that her audition was great and that the casting director was a biased, red-necked jerk. Without taking in their surroundings, they joined the long queue to see the lone clerk. But fate was not in their favor that day, as they found themselves in line behind Jane. The temperature dropped a good ten degrees. Mary blushed as she offered her reluctant congratulations, but Jack was intent on a scene. And a scene he got! Within 15 minutes, three burly policemen hustled a handcuffed, struggling Jack into a patrol car as both Jane and Mary stood crying.

Ok, so maybe you want a little bit of dialog, but the point is you can summarize when you need to.

Now here’s a third. I use this in About Dan (see here). I thought through the scene several ways and decided it would take too long to include all the dialog. And anyway I wanted to show Dan’s reaction. So we see the scene through Dan’s retelling to a rather skeptical friend.

“Well,” he began, “I decided I’d take Tania up on her offer.”

Peter groaned. “I was hoping you were joking!”

“I couldn’t think of a way out of it! I forgot all about it until after school today. Tania reminded me. She was talking so fast I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Then she ran off. I mean, she literally didn’t give me a chance to say no. She gave me a map with directions to her house and everything. She swore her brother and her folks would be there.”

Peter rolled his eyes. Jesse and Marilyn merely bent forward.

“She lives up in North Boulder, about a mile from my dad’s condo. It’s a nice neighborhood, you know, big houses and all. Her folks must be rich. The house has a circular drive. The grass is really neatly trimmed and there are flowers out already. They must have a gardener because everything looks so pretty–.”

“Moving right along,” said Peter.

“Yeah. Anyway, my first clue should have been there were no cars in the driveway. So I park right in front, on the circular drive. It’s just barely starting to snow. I ring the bell, but at first it seemed like no one is home…”

“So you left? Tell me you left right then!” interjected Peter.

“Shush, Peter!” said Marilyn. “He’s telling his story.”

“I think…” started Peter.

“Shush!”

“So, anyway, finally Tania comes to the door. She’s wearing a long gown of some sort, like a house dress. It covers her from her neck all the way down to her feet, with long arms. Maybe it was pajamas, I don’t know. It’s not what I expected. She invites me in.”

Peter closed his eyes in disbelief. “You went in,” he said quietly. Marilyn pushed Peter’s shoulder hard, knocking him over.

“Yes, I went in. The house is full of the smell of Mexican food. I was hungry, you know. Come to think of it, I’m still hungry. You’ll see why.”

That’s just an excerpt, but you get the idea. The bottom line is you have options. Mix them around to best effect.

When you think about your next novel, you start with a hazy picture in your mind. In fact, the conflict may be the first thing you see: a couple loses their only child because of a doctor’s (perceived) incompetence. With that you can construct characters. Clearly you need a man and a woman. And maybe a boy or girl. Oh, the doctor. Maybe a lawyer or two. Throw in a judge. Starting with the conflict opens up whole new vistas.

Ah, but perhaps you’re writing your next romance novel. The characters are standard: a (few) women and an irresistible man (or two). But hasn’t every possible romance novel been written? Hmph. You’re stumped for an appropriate conflict. After all, the whole point of a novel is to watch your characters interact as they deal with (and hopefully resolve) the conflict. Sometimes there are multiple levels of conflict. Perhaps the background setting is World War II—a gigantic conflict. Inside that might be a conflict between resistance groups in Vichy France. And so on. You can’t solve the WWII conundrum, but you can focus on your resistance fighters and (perhaps) keep them from killing each other (or worse, ratting them out to the Vichy government).

Here are a few ideas. As you read through these, think of more (and put them in a comment).

Between your character and him- or herself:

• Cancer
• A miscarriage
• Overcoming debilitating shyness
• …or a stutter
• A deep look into the character’s past
• Man vs Nature—plane crash or car wreck or sudden snowstorm while hiking, etc.
• Sudden change in circumstances (house burns down, husband dies, swindled)
• Finding religion
• Losing religion
• Mental illness (I know about this one: I’m bipolar)

Between two people:

• Two decent, honorable people who misunderstand each other’s intentions (crotchety old farmer vs up and coming real estate agent)
• Evading an assassin
• Being the assassin
• Stingy father vs vagrant son
• The usual marital problems, although this has probably been worked over pretty thoroughly
• Two middle-aged spinster sisters at each other because one thinks the other destroyed an opportunity for marriage
• All sorts of gay and lesbian stuff, although this is perhaps a little too politically correct these days. You need a twist. Instead of a college student coming home and outing himself to his parents, have the father out himself to the children while his wife struggles to keep the love they’ve developed during 25 years of marriage
• People operating on different information (the old proverbial blind men describing the elephant). Naturally, they have to work at cross purposes.
• Busybodies and gossips
• Ah, the root of all evil: the love of money! So wonderfully corrosive. Follow the relationship between a high-achieving father and his studious, contemplative son (or daughter).
• Here’s a topical one: an honest mutual fund manager finds himself inexorably drawn into creating a Ponzi scheme. (Madoff, move over!)
• A desperate government employee is driven to accept a bribe and someone blows the whistle

Mysteries (not my forte, but some possibilities):

• Four rather nasty kids stand to inherit millions. Which one killed Dad?
• An art theft (you’d better know your stuff for this one!)
• Police procedural: finding a gang member’s killer when your hero cop thinks the killer did the world a favor
• An old widow vs an identity thief

Now those above all deal pretty much with novels set in our time and day, but you can easily adapt them to fantasy:

• The starship discovers a new planet full of hostile and well-armed crazies
• The old witch casts an evil spell on the young prince
• A mystery disease slowly turns people green
• Suddenly no one on the planet can have a child and everyone grows too old to care for themselves
• White supremacists succeed in taking over Idaho and keep the Federal forces at bay
• A woman that our hero killed comes back as a ghost and taunts him into madness
• War in the heavens: the angels revolt! (Check Revelations 12:7 for this one).
• A child leads armored knights into battle and outwits the evil King Gruesome
• The King wants his second son to have the throne and tries to kill his firstborn (and the firstborn is already scheming to off his brother and his old man)

It goes on, doesn’t it! Pick a few and jot down what characters you might need to make the conflict really sizzle.

Critiquer 2: “You’ve got a good idea, but frankly Sam falls flat. Can a man really just think of only one thing all the time? Surely you can add a little depth. And I’d develop the relationship between Susan and her mother a bit more, and tone down Jennie’s attempts at humor—they’re not really relevant.”

Which critique would you rather get? Critique 1? Sure, it makes you feel great! And Critiquer 2 just doesn’t understand what you meant. You’re headed straight for a Pulitzer, right?

I disagree. I think Number 2 is more useful. You’ve got to take into consideration your relationship with Critiquer 2, of course—perhaps he is trying to be hurtful. But the chances of that are slim, assuming you’ve chosen your critiquers carefully. Critiquer 2 gives you real information. Something meaty. Something you can sink your teeth into. And I assure you, since you chose the critiquers, if Critiquer 2 “doesn’t understand,” then the rest of your readers won’t either!

Let’s go back to Sam. Is he really one-dimensional? All he thinks about is his golf game (or other kinds of games…). But Sam’s probably also worried about his investment choices. He’s worried his wife doesn’t care about him anymore. So he takes it out on golf, something he’s good at. Maybe you ought to dwell on that back story more.

When you get “honest” critique, you’re getting something remarkably helpful. Sometimes authors pay editors good money (several hundred dollars to review a novel), and you want to get more than praise for that money. If all you want is praise, get a dog. Editors are paid to point out the difficulties and work with you to fix them.

I’m currently working on the third book in the Flying Broomstick series. I’m almost there. About a year ago, I thought I was there. I gave it to the critiquer I trust the most. He handed it back and said it didn’t work. So I bought him lunch and let him bend my ear for two hours. I asked probing questions. What about Hardy? What about Brian? Although my trusted critiquer is not a professional editor (he owns a ski resort), he pointed things out to me that, upon reflection, were on target.

I rewrote the book.

Big chunks came out—chunks I thought were pretty cool. But they didn’t contribute to the story. And the main character, Hardy, develops nicely but I suddenly abandoned him. He got the attention he deserved in the rewrite. This critiquer thought a death I inserted was gratuitous. Hmm…I thought. I wanted that death to be significant, but apparently it came without foreshadowing (hence appeared gratuitous, because I hadn’t prepared the reader for it), so I dug through all the sections where the foreshadowing should’ve been and adjusted things.

The book is now shorter by about 20% and far crisper. The characters are multifaceted. The plot motivation is clear.

Some sections stayed pretty much as originally written. That’s because those were the sections that carried the story. Oh, I tweaked them, but not much. Now that I’m (almost) done, I think it’s a far better book. The book was originally scheduled for release on Oct 31, 2008. It’ll come out in a couple months. It’s worth the wait.

What if my critiquer had just raved about the book? What good would that’ve done me? None! Was I disappointed when he handed the manuscript back to me and said it just didn’t do it for him? Sure! Did I like to hear about the book’s shortcomings? No! But I realized what a valuable asset I had and poked and prodded to get as much out of him as I could.

It is absolutely true that what we write is an extension of ourselves. When it’s panned, it hurts. I don’t think there’s any way around that. But your critiquer is critiquing your book, not you. So buck up, suck in your gut, tighten your belt, take a deep breath, and make the most of it.

And, if you need a little ego stroking, you know which critiquers will tell you it’s wonderful. Sure, let Critiquer 1 have a go, but don’t pay much attention after the initial glow wears off. It’s Critiquer 2 who’s really helping you.

But be careful. Dialog, like everything else in fiction, must be believable. Your readers get to know your characters, so the dialog must sound like something a character would say. For example, if your character were a 15-year-old male, he likely would not say “I appreciate your comment, Ms. Smith, and will combine it with other feedback I’ve received.” That is, unless you have one incredibly smart and experienced 15-year-old!

And people don’t speak in complete sentences. You would never hear this:

“Good morning, Mrs. Smith. When I parked out by the curb this morning I noticed that someone has left a potted plant in the street. I fear the plant will shortly be dead if it does not receive abundant water.”

Perhaps it would be more like this:

“Some idiot dropped a pot on the road. I nearly hit it!”

Another possibility, taken from Broom 1, page 131:

“You’re on. Thursday morning at eleven.”
“Mountain time?”
“Yes, whatever time zone you’re in.”
“Mountain time. Not Pacific time,” I emphasized.
“Right. See you then.”

Now that sounds more like real interaction. Both people are in character. Each says only enough to convey the required information. It’s terse, but not abrupt.

Read your dialog out loud. Does it sound natural? Would you ever say something like that to a friend? If it doesn’t sound right, it probably isn’t. As you interact with your friends and colleagues, take note of how real people approach conversation.